I’m feeling broken. Really broken.
But yet, I’m also feeling really strong.
It’s strange.
Real strange.
There are things in life that have hurt.
A lot.
And I’m realizing that some of those things may very well stop hurting.
I have to be okay with that in order to not be bitter, miserable, and self-destructive.
The theme of the last year seems to be “Even if…God IS”.
When I moved here, there were many challenges waiting for me. There were issues to deal with. Wounds that I’d been putting bandaids over than had to be cleaned out. It stung and at times has been gut-wrenching. And even now, with my sweet Joshua by my side, there’s still drama that comes with planning a wedding and as a result of the last 26 years of life’s circumstances.
BUT…”Even when…God IS”
And he’s teaching me to rely on Him because He’s got it handled.
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. – Philippians 4:11-13
Learning to be content…to rest in HIM is possible because He gives me the strength to do so. When I can’t hold it together any longer He is there. My contentment does not come from my circumstance, my family, my friends, my fiance, my wedding, my ANYTHING…except for my relationship with the Lord.
I haven’t quite gotten that one down yet, but the fact that I’m still walking day by day shows me that He really is enough.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-40
This is what keeps me going when I feel like I can’t. I hold on to the promise of these verses and know that “Even if…God loves”
Even if I gain 10 pounds.
Even if my students are upset with me.
Even if my house is never clean.
Even if I don’t know how to deal with family.
Even if I’m not the perfect wife (whatever that means).
Even if…
He still loves me. And I’m still good enough because He says I am.
So…I can do this…because He and His love will get me through…
…even if.
